Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Importance of Communication in a Relationship

I just started reading Cleo this year, and even though that means I already have a few copies of Cleo stacked up on my desk, I was never so tempted to write in to Cleo until I saw this month's blog topic - My thoughts on the importance of communication in a relationship.

This theme immediately brought my mind to the horoscope - Gemini, as I have developed quite an interest about astrological signs, and am pretty obsessed about Gemini, over the last decade of my life.

Yes, I am a Gemini, ruled by Mercury, the sign of the twins, and the mark of communication, ideas and trade. And I like my sign. In fact, I was timed perfectly to come in June, a result of careful birth control and planning by my mother. (She is the only person I know of who chooses the horoscopes of us - her children.) I love my sign so much that I buy all the key chains and items with the twins carved inside.

A small handful of my Gemini key chains. The dark one right at the bottom is pewter from Kukup, Malaysia.

Needless to say, I am talkative, intelligent enough to sail like a breeze through Singapore's education system (as my mother hoped for), highly changeable, social, responsive and often superficial.

So saying, I seek communication in developing a relationship, and am attracted to individuals who can connect with me, like a bee to honey. I shall focus more on romantic relationship in which I can choose, rather than family relations that I am born with.

出 处 《关尹子 · 三极》:“天下之理,夫者倡,妇者随。”
In this time and age, I am already not one who believes in the dusty view that the woman should follow everything her man does to the T. In my opinion, when there is something, partners should talk it out. That is not to say that the woman can be domineering and argumentative etc, but rather, if the man has any ideas, he should explain his logic fully to his woman. This is what I mean by communication between couples.

Without this, problems will just pile up in the closet. And one day, when the volcano erupts, and the closet opens, the ugly monsters just row out like an avalanche down Mount Everest. The result? A catastrophe.

As the Chinese saying goes, "冰冻三尺, 非一日之寒".
3 feet of snow at the doorstep, is not a result of just a day of winter.

Communication, communication. When this is said, it may sound like communication just means talking to each other. But I feel obliged to point out, and emphasize that it is not just speaking to each other in a relationship that is important. It is listening, understanding (the mental process), and last but the most important, accepting.

I am sure most would agree that it would never do if the word goes in from one ear but out from the other. Accepting is the mental process of stamping the word "Certified" or "Approved", with enough red ink and strength on the piece of agreement.

Without accepting, one would just commit the same mistake over and over again. And this would frustrate one's partner. Something that a friend told me after my breakup, that I will always remember, is this, "If the two of you are always quarreling about the same 10 things over and over again, then it is just as well that you break. You can't be quarreling over that same 10 things down 20 years of marriage".

And the other thing that this same friend told me was, "if the two of you being together does not add on to yourself, then what is the point of being together?"

I find a lot of wisdom in my friend's counseling. Communication, or rather, the lack of it, was what made my ex and I so frustrated with each other that we quarreled every time we met, and on every phone call we made.

Looking back on it, it seems inevitable that we split.

But right now, I am into another relationship. And I make it a point to voice my opinions and thoughts. I also made it a point to ensure that we sit down together and talk it out. Males have the tendency to think sleeping over a problem would make the problem absolutely fine the next day. But apparently, not. Not so with me.

I am glad that I have found someone whom I feel shares an equal intellect with me, and is curious about knowing more, so we know what each other are talking about, and will understand where each other is coming from, so that we accept each other's opinion more easily.

Hereby, I wish all the readers find a soul mate whom you can truly communicate with, so we will all have a long and blissful relationship. =)



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